"If..." One of the word that I Hate the most, not because it has the letter "I" and "F", but the meaning of it. Sometimes, I felt that "if" I didn't do this and that, all all of those kind of things, aaa I don't know. Maybe I'll be happy and be a "Good Person". But things Happen, and whatever the consequences of it, I have to move on, together with the things that I've done. Its just the matter of time, but during the "time", i have to suffer ! Ahhh the suffering, if..., naaaa see? If the word "if" does not exist, it will be better that way. But what to do, I've just used it to express what I think, and it seems like it is very important even though it has only one vocal letter and one consonant letter, and simple. Yeah, two letters and one word that represent our regrets. The word "if" is never been easy to people. Sometimes, it can make us to go against ourselves, to go beyond our limits of all aspects and not to forget, it kills much worst than having a stroke. Well, stroke can kills directly or just paralyze parts of the human's organ. But stroke never make one's to go against themselves, it is just acceptance and hope. How about the victims of "if"? Well, "if" can make human go crazy, ill, suffer from unexplained feeling, and worst part of it, it can make human to commit suicide! Well, should I do it? Hahaha, Joking, but told. Yeah, "if" these things didn't happens to me, I'm imagining my life would be as I always been expecting. But things happens for reasons. But until now, I still don't understand what is the reasons for these things that happens to me. Maybe God want to give me a lesson? If yes, Thanks God, because He taught me well, and I've learnt well, much beyond well. But how am I going to take the burden of the consequences? With my condition right now, I'm not sure I would be able to go through it. Should I depends on God. And that is another thing. Leaning back to God when we have troubles, yes it bothers me because I feel guilt for Him. I understand that He loves me and He always forgive His people, but how to get rid of the guilt? If these things didn't happen to me, I will never the use the word "if" to explain everything. When you are a happy Person, you leave God behind, When you are sad and filled with problems, yes now you are begging for God. Yeah, Betrayal. Just "if".....If....If ~ Hey, I'm sorry for everythings that I've done...I really didn't mean that, well maybe, but now as you can see, what do you think of me? I understand if it changes your view towards me, but Im also in my highest effort to do it. I even went against myself. aaah, forget it, Maybe you dont understand what I'm trying to say to you. Or maybe you will never find this post. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, "If" I can turn back to time...."If" I didn't mess up..."If i didn't do this and that....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA IF !
If = If ... Just If ~
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